He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
