Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
