BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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