So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
