I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
