tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
