Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
