This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
