She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
