Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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