Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
