Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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