you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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