We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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