I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
