Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
