the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
