I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
