I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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