you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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