Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
