I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
