I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
