everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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