so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
