Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
and you fell through a lawn chair
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
