pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
