forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
