Kiss
Puke
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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