summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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