think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Green mimosas i think yes
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
