shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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