can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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