Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
