sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
