We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
