Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
