we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
