I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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