I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
