If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
