I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
