God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
