My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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