we have officially lost it.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
