I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
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Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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