You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
