Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
