Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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