he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
