Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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