the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dignity is for republicans.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
