kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
