How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
