the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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