I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
