At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize