the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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