Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize