There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
