So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
