I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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