I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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