R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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