I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
