dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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