Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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