SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
