I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
