I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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