I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, beer. Big fan.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
