He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What a dumb baby whore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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