We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
