You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
