mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
