for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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