she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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