just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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