Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
