OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
