I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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